MY EARLY CHILDHOOD

EARLY STAGES 

Still remember my kindergarten days when I secretly possessed my moms necklace, split it into two parts to wear it as anklets around my legs; I used to sleep keeping them on my legs and feeling the girl in me. It happened that she found out a small piece of that necklace near my bed once and then questioned me about it, I had to lie that I gave the rest to one of my school friend who is a girl; though she came to the school to enquire about it, I dont remember how it went.

In school, I used to be pretty much boyish, but loved staring at those anklet feet around, wished to wear one myself. Even after 24 years after that, I remember my old schoolmates' anklet feet, and the anklet designs; starting right from kindergarten to primary schooling, high school, higher secondary one and at bachelors, and even at work place, I used to enjoy those anklet feet; it was really those gold anklet feet which made my day.  

Coming back, I could recall an incident around my primary school time when I asked one of my neighbour girl's slipper but being super cool and bold one, she not only refused but even told her parents about it which obviously, reached my parents ears. 

Afterwards, I used to suppress all these feelings inside myself and would be fantasizing myself wearing girly things. One fantasy during the fourth grade was that when mom and myself visit the textile shop for the Onam festival purchase, I would be given a chance to wear a frock to check whether the size matches for my cousin sister of the same age and so on goes my dream. Fantasies would end up in masturbation which I have accidently discovered during my early childhood itself. Without knowing its purpose or its impact, I used to do it whenever I can as it gave an immense pleasure.

INTO DRESSING

Around my second grade(as far as I remember), I tried wearing my mom's bangles but they were big for me; later started using the kajal as well; around grade 5, we took cable TV connection and later discovering the Fashion TV and the ramp walk. By this time, I have already started with the dresses. Finding that I am left alone in home, I would hurry myself to change the channel to F TV, then would be busy dressing with the clothes and the ornaments I find and finally trying ramp walk after dressing.

Around this time, while I was travelling with one of my relative in bike, I happen to see a gold anklet feet for the first time in my life. The anklet was so shining that I badly wanted to wear the gold one; from that day on, my craze was onto on to gold as well. I did remember the registration number of that lady's vehicle for a few years but gradually faded away from my memory.